Yeah…update. Like…as in, your BLOGROLL…
and join me over at
mwah…
because it’s so lonely over there without you!!
Hey…Guess What?!?! November 19, 2008
Update your roll…this girl has her own dot com!! Oh yeah bay-bee!!
http://www.rockanddrool.com
tee hee!! That’s me. I’m a dot com.
So…c’mon over to the new place. It’ll be great. Just the two of us!! Lots of room to spread out. No one telling us what we can and can’t do.
I’ve got big plans for this place. Big. Plans. kinda…
OK…we’ll gotta go decorate…
see you over there.
I’ll supply the booze. You…bring sushi…oh wait, I choke on sushi…
You bring…the PIZZA!!!
Remember…
Caving Under Pressure, A Fine Idea and A Giveaway… November 15, 2008
THIS IS A STICKY NOTE. SCROLL DOWN FOR MY LATEST POST. AND DON’T FORGET TO ENTER MY GIVEAWAY!!! IT ENDS THIS THURSDAY!!!
AND ALSO…GO CHECK OUT KISSINGTHEROSYRED.WORDPRESS.COM
So…notice that little banner over there…on my side bar? The one that looks like a present? Yeah…I’m going to start doing the affiliate thing. Listen…it could be lucrative. And…I need some gas money if I’m going to drive to Chicago for Blogher!!
I applied for a BUNCH of affiliate programs. Nordstroms, Northface, Gap, etc. The one I have up now is for *mumbles what sounds like* sex toys…which leads me to…
Remember when I discussed my idea about selling sex toys? Well…I’m in the process of something big. Well…maybe it’ll be big…maybe not but either way…I’m in the process. And…I CAN’T WAIT to share it with you!!! I mean…it’s going to have its own dot com and EVERYTHING!!
In the meantime, I’m going to have a giveaway.
It’s getting cold out. Yuck. Winter is about to kick our butts again. And…I want to help you stay toasty and warm. So I’m giving away one of my hand-crocheted scarves or neckwarmers…you decide which one you want. In fact…just leave me a comment letting me know if you want a scarf or neckwarmer. You can go to blacksheepbags.etsy.com to inspect the sort of scarves and neckwarmers that I’m talking about, if you need help deciding! The drawing will be held on, um, let’s see…mid- week-ish sometime. And I’ll announce the winner on Friday. After her/his name is picked out of my toilet…er…Darth Vaders helmet.
Good Luck and
XOXO
UPDATE: I had to take my affiliate link off the blog. I didn’t realize that I wasn’t allowed to have it on there per WordPress rules.
So THAT Explains It… November 18, 2008
“They” say…whoever they is…that…
80 is the new 70…
40 is the new 30…
And so on.
So…that must be why…
my 10 year old daughter…
has recently started carrying on like a newborn.
I’m so glad that “they” have been able to come up with an explanation for this.
PHEW…I’m feeling so relieved.
Lessons Learned In A Parking Lot… November 17, 2008
A long time ago. A LIFETIME ago. When I was married to my ex husband. We were going to downsize. We had a tremendous house. Expensive cars. A JUMBO mortgage. And…we were sinking. Both financially AND emotionally.
So we enlisted the help of a realtor. She showed us a TON of houses. None of them were as nice as the house that we lived in but…we were downsizing so what was to be expected?
After a couple of months of a futile search, we came across a house that I LOVED. It was perfect, except for the funky backyard. I loved the house. The price. The size. The decorating. Except, we hadn’t put our house on the market and the sellers of this house weren’t interested in receiving a contingent offer.
Which was fine because, shortly after seeing this house, I left my husband. Downsizing and everything that went along with that was forgotten. Splitting assets and keeping kids in some semblance of normalcy became priority.
I had forgotten about the house. And, the lovely owners with whom I had spoken with at length while scrutinizing their house.
Until…one day, a couple of months later…
I was walking out of my daughters preschool…she was about 2.5. I ran into the owner of that house. Her youngest went to preschool with my daughter.
She smiled at me in recognition. And she walked towards me to chat.
She asked if I had put my house on the market and if any more thought was given to her house. That’s when the floodgates opened. I told her of my separation and preliminary divorce actions. And every detail of why I left him. The poor woman didn’t want to hear about it. She only asked about whether or not her house was an option for me.
I didn’t read her body language. I didn’t see her attitude towards me change. I stood there. In the parking lot of that preschool, unloading my heart and soul to a stranger. And she wanted to bolt. I didn’t care. She didn’t care. She was just in the wrong physical place at the wrong emotional time.
After that…whenever I saw this woman, she would avert her eyes. She would avoid walking by me. She was TERRIFIED that she would get trapped in a one sided pity party by me. And I, in turn… avoided her. Out of embarrassment.
Because, that wasn’t me. That was a sad, pathetic shell who was feeling desperate and hopeless. And…no matter how many people I told, it wasn’t enough. I was trying to unburden.
Years later…
I see her around the area. She doesn’t recognize me. But…I recognize her. And I always want to go to her and apologize for that day. Because, it’s always bothered me. And even though she has probably forgotten about that incident, I haven’t.
But I won’t ever say anything. Just in case I start to walk towards her. And she suddenly recognizes me. And walks quickly away before I could go and apologize.
So, I’ll just always remember. And keep it inside as a lesson learned.
And one day, if I’m walking in a parking lot. And someone looks familiar. And I walk towards that person and ask a question. And I get an answer that I wasn’t expecting. I will be understanding. Because…I was THAT person.
And thankfully, I’m not anymore.
Number One Reason To Wash Your Face Before Bed! November 17, 2008
During the drive to pre-school, my littlest boy child started giggling in the back seat.
“What’s so funny?” I asked him.
“It was so funny, Mommy. Remember when you jumped in the pool and you were wearing all your clothes? And you pulled my brother out of the water by his hair?” giggle, giggle, snort, snort.
“Um, yeah. Of course I remember. How could I forget?” I responded.
“You were REALLY mad, Mommy. REALLY, REALLY mad!” He guffawed and hiccuped.
“Yes. I was. He made Mommy really angry. And he wouldn’t get out of the pool for me to send him to his room so…I had to go in after him. Fully clothed. With my make-up on.”
Just thinking about this incident was getting me annoyed. This happened back in June. So, I’m not quite sure why my youngest was thinking about it…or finding it to be so funny.
“Honey…what made you remember this?” I asked him.
Snort, giggle, burp, hiccup…he’s in hysterical laughter.
“Because Mommy…you have black stuff all over your eyes like you did when you jumped in the pool.”
So…I look in the rear view mirror. To see what the heck he is talking about…
And I realized that, indeed…my eyeliner and mascara is ALL around my eyes…like I had gone swimming. Well…maybe not THAT bad but…the thought of being seen at my son’s pre-school with all those stick figure, very put together women…with my make-up all over my face…EMBARRASSING!!!
You see…
In my HUGE hurry to get my son to pre-school on time…because we are ALWAYS late…and ALWAYS get reprimanded by his teacher…I didn’t fix my face.
And yesterdays make-up…which I didn’t wash off last night because I fell asleep with my son…was still on me.
Unfortunately…
it didn’t look as nice as it did yesterday.
So…while my son was laughing in his car seat, all the way to his preschool…I was digging in my purse to find my big, huge, dark sunglasses to hide behind!!
Now I know why washing your face before bedtime is so important!! And, it’s NOT about the clogged pores either!!
To Stand Or…Not To Stand… November 16, 2008
Every morning. In EVERY household. In EVERY city. In EVERY state. In EVERY country. EVERYWHERE. Men get up out of the horizontal position. Do the shuffle off to the bathroom, or where ever it is that they shuffle off to for the business at hand. Face the place that will be on the receiving end. And ready, aim, fire…
Why am I writing about this, you want to know.
Well…
Because EVERY morning, I watch my husband do this.
And…every morning I think to myself…with his 6′2″ frame straddling the toilet…
Wouldn’t it just be SO MUCH EASIER…to sit and pee?
You don’t have to worry about making a mess of the toilet and surrounding areas.
You don’t have to worry about NOT PUTTING THE TOILET SEAT BACK DOWN and irritating the females (assuming you live with females).
Aiming wouldn’t seem to be as much of an issue.
So why not?
Sitting and peeing. It just seems like that is what nature intended…for everyone.
I know…
I have way too much time to think about things.
But seriously.
Watch the closest male person in your life pee one day. Then…you’ll see what I’m talking about.
Or…
maybe not.
The Latest Fashion Craze, Coming To Towns Near You… November 14, 2008
There is this new trend that has hit my county with a vengeance. And what a wonderful trend this is…let me tell ya.
It seems that, in some of the smaller yet affluent areas…the big thing for the housewives to do…
while the hubby is at work making the bacon and chasing secretaries around the desk…
and the kids are at school buying crack on the playground…
Mommy is…
BLOWING her best friends hubby AND getting jiggy with it…
Yes…it’s true.
This, my beloved bloggy friends…is THE fashion craze to hit my neighboring towns.
The newest fashion accessory for a lonely and bored housewife is…
drum roll please…
Another mans penis in her various orifices.
But the funny thing is…everyone is talking about how the number of cheating housewives is on the rise but…
they are cheating with someone else’s husbands…
I only wish I wasn’t so attached to the penis I already have. Or I might have to cave in and jump on this band wagon. Because that’s SO me. Always have to be in with the in crowd!!
2 Days Early, 3 Days Late… November 13, 2008
My cycle is generally 28 days.
2 flipping weeks of emotional hell and hot flashes accompanied by cramping, pulling and tugging.
Which is followed by a two day torrential flow.
Which is followed by…the pleh. Pronounced…pleh. What is the pleh, you ask? You know…that brown shit at the tail end of our lovely curse. Yeah, THAT stuff. Good times.
With this being said…
I was out to dinner last night with some friends…and some of their friends. My one friend announces that…she’s convinced she’s pregnant because she’s a day late. A day. Late. Now…two days late!
Mentally, I’m counting backwards from today’s date to the date of my last period. Wondering when I was going to receive that lovely blessed little enjoyment that, whoever invented people, kindly bestowed upon the female of the species. Most likely because men would take to their beds if they had to deal with the shit that we have to deal with. But…as usual…I digress…
So counting backwards, I realize…she’s a day late (now 2!!) and I still have a couple of days until mine…when I can schtup without stinky condoms. Yes…we have sex during that mess of a time. And…I’m FINE with that. And again…I digress…
After a fun evening of sushi and tormenting my possibly pregnant friend…
I go home.
And…fall asleep early…
Where I’m having strange dreams that I’m pregnant. And I’m having terrible cramps in my dream. And…my water breaks…in my dreams. And…
I jump out of bed (NO…I did NOT pee!!)…
I exclaim “My water is breaking!” to my husband…who vaguely remembers me doing this…
I run to the bathroom just in the nick of time…
for the damn to bust wide open…
and my period to profusely (sorry…tmi!!)flow into the toilet.
So…
I got MY period two days early…
and she…
is now 2…almost 3…days late!!! Bwahahahaha…er…ahem…
Here’s hoping you have a dream that your water breaks…but if it doesn’t…better you than me!!
An Opportunity That I Want To Share With You!! November 10, 2008
There is this new and amazing business opportunity that I just recently got involved in. I’m NOT going to try to explain it. Not in too much detail because I’ll ruin it. But…I’m going to leave you my link to it. Click on my link. It will take you to my web page. Scroll all the way down and click on the lower left hand corner…my store entrance. Then…look up top. It says Overview. Click on that. And listen. This is huge. It’s GIGANTIC in Florida. And it’s starting to creep its way across the nation. Leaving a LOT of wealthier people in its wake.
I’m not going to do a hard sell. I just think you should check it out. And do what you want with the information.
If you have any questions…let me know. I’ll be happy to answer them for you. And if I can’t…I’ll put you in touch with someone who can.
Living happier and wealthier…it’s just a click away.
lucky seven
XOXO
