So, You Really Think Your Kid Is All That And A Cap Of Lice… September 5, 2008

I just got off the phone with a friend of mine.
Her introductory line in our conversation was…
“Can I be a bitch. I mean…can I bitch for a minute?”
How can I turn down a conversation that could lead to a bitchfest? Seriously…
Well, she had just gotten back from dropping her son off at preschool. Not the same one my son goes to but…the moms are EXACTLY the same at both. Skinny. Noses in the air. Snotballs with superiority complexes. Get over yourselves!!
Anyhoo…I digress…
Where was I? Hold on, let me re-read so I know where I left off…
OK…dropping son off.
Well, as she was dropping off her son, another Mommy Dearest was dropping off her little princess, who was wearing a precious little hat of some expensive kind or another (no…not said with even an OUNCE of jealousy…more like disgust).
The mom, ever so concerned, asked the teacher if it was OK that her little sweetcakes was wearing a tiara…er…baseball cap. The teacher said it was fine.
The MOMMY…says to the teacher, loud enough for all to hear…including all of us down the street at my son’s preschool…
If there is a problem and my beautiful, brilliant little angel has to take off her cap…NO ONE is to touch it. NO child is to wear it. NO CHILD is to lay a grubby little slime infested finger upon my sweet, cherubic, princess of a child’s hat. I am a HAIRDRESSER and I am neurotic about lice.
Um…
So…
Are you saying that, because you are a HAIRDRESSER and you are diligent about lice prevention…your daughter is ABOVE ever contracting lice and carrying those little critters to school via her ROYAL flipping, daughter of a hairdressers golden locks?
Hmmm?
I mean…you are a HAIRDRESSER. Who is to say that you aren’t going to get lice from one of the women whose hair you cut. And those little, gross things aren’t going to burrow into the root line of your hair, ride home in your Range Rover with you, and
JUMP right into your darling little girls hair?
Seriously…
School. Is back in session. Lice, strep throat, colds, hand foot mouth…you name it.
You can’t prevent it.
Unless, of course…
you live in a giant bubble. Or…
Fantasy Island.
I think…I hear da plane…da plane…