My cycle is generally 28 days.
2 flipping weeks of emotional hell and hot flashes accompanied by cramping, pulling and tugging.
Which is followed by a two day torrential flow.
Which is followed by…the pleh. Pronounced…pleh. What is the pleh, you ask? You know…that brown shit at the tail end of our lovely curse. Yeah, THAT stuff. Good times.
With this being said…
I was out to dinner last night with some friends…and some of their friends. My one friend announces that…she’s convinced she’s pregnant because she’s a day late. A day. Late. Now…two days late!
Mentally, I’m counting backwards from today’s date to the date of my last period. Wondering when I was going to receive that lovely blessed little enjoyment that, whoever invented people, kindly bestowed upon the female of the species. Most likely because men would take to their beds if they had to deal with the shit that we have to deal with. But…as usual…I digress…
So counting backwards, I realize…she’s a day late (now 2!!) and I still have a couple of days until mine…when I can schtup without stinky condoms. Yes…we have sex during that mess of a time. And…I’m FINE with that. And again…I digress…
After a fun evening of sushi and tormenting my possibly pregnant friend…
I go home.
And…fall asleep early…
Where I’m having strange dreams that I’m pregnant. And I’m having terrible cramps in my dream. And…my water breaks…in my dreams. And…
I jump out of bed (NO…I did NOT pee!!)…
I exclaim “My water is breaking!” to my husband…who vaguely remembers me doing this…
I run to the bathroom just in the nick of time…
for the damn to bust wide open…
and my period to profusely (sorry…tmi!!)flow into the toilet.
So…
I got MY period two days early…
and she…
is now 2…almost 3…days late!!! Bwahahahaha…er…ahem…
Here’s hoping you have a dream that your water breaks…but if it doesn’t…better you than me!!
